Dating 101: Rejection Part III - The Hardest Story to Tell
Choices. We have choices. That blog post keeps ringing in my mind. I tend to get caught up, up there. My thoughts send me up, down, and all around in circles. Dating really gets them going.
This guy. I just couldn't shake him from my thoughts and didn't want to. I'd given up too easily before.
So this story came about two weeks ago, right after I had written about choices. This story, if anything is for myself. For God and for those who are following along and want to hear it, maybe need to hear it. That's my hope anyways. It's truly a time caught up in confusion, smack dab in the middle of pain and the unknown. My pride and control yell "just wait! You've got this! But let me be totally transparent:
I don't "got this."
Maybe this is such a time of perfect protection, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. This month is going to be a very big month of events and transition. Moving, "being ready", which is where I feel God's calling me right now. I don't do well with change, and transitions. I can easily run, which is the last thing I want to do. Nor do I want to put this guy or myself through it. So I'm here listening, waiting. Being humbled, lower and lower. Stomping out each bit of this pride that I didn't realize has hardened my heart so much towards God, towards myself, and towards others.
This is a season where He is showing me where to trim the fat. How to listen to Him more. To move when He gives the go; to sit still when He reigns me in. And by sitting still meaning letting go. When he says to.
Lessons I've learned so far:
- I'm not the same person I was yesterday.
- There was never just one moment to have gotten it right, don't harp on it.
- This isn't the end of my story.
- Unhealthy relationships are not worth it (my past relationships). Healthy ones are worth it.
- I'm going to get bored telling this story, which means healing is happening.
- Consistency makes friends, inconsistency doesn't.
- How can we not believe He has a plan with all He has done in this specific journey?!
- Sit still and let go.
- I'm not a mess up.
But there is so much more than the unexpected turnout. It was unexpected in good ways too.
I don't regret it - for once. My pride is shot. My feelings are really feeling themselves. So I'm giving myself the month to feel what I need to feel. But as a wise person once told me, we have to walk through the hurt,
"Can't over it.
Can't go under it.
Can't go around it.
Gotta go through it."
Rejection may be a part of the journey, but it’s certainly not the end.