Going into this fast, I shared two of the goals I am praying over. Another that I hesitated to list was that of a relationship. Over the past few years, I have believed God just is not done with a certain relationship and have even shared that in my first blog post. It is scary to put my deepest thoughts, desires, and confusions out there. I am a private person. Plus, I have no idea what this is going to look like. I have fifty lists of creative ideas, strategies, travel dreams, meal prep, and my outfit for tomorrow running through my mind at any given point, day or night. The thoughts and dreams are endless. When I believe that God is calling me to something, I usually know pretty well, but my thoughts shake, rattle, and roll my certainty. Are they my desires or God’s? Especially when something takes longer than I ever expected. My impatience steps in and hurries me along or sends me down another path. This relationship is no different. I started out praying that I would gain clarity as to what I believed Him to promise was correct. Immediately, I realized I was about to waste this fast on answers I do not need. Not in this time of my life. What I need and what this other person needs is to fix our eyes on Jesus. Nothing more, nothing less. There are so many beautiful yet difficult promises He has made for my life. He has broken them down into baby steps, yet here I am trying to take in the big picture and stumbling all over myself trying to take these huge lunge-like steps to make it all happen faster. God, bless me in spite of my impatience!
A certain passage hits my heart hard when I go into this mode of overthinking and under-acting. 2 Chronicles 20 offers a powerful account of King Jehoshaphat and just as he thought he and his people were completely outdone and had no idea what to do, His first move was to call on God...
"5 Then Jehoshaphat stood up in the assembly of Judah and Jerusalem at the temple of the Lord in the front of the new courtyard 6 and said:
“Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. 7 Our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? 8 They have lived in it and have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, 9 ‘If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.’
10 “But now here are men from Ammon, Moab and Mount Seir, whose territory you would not allow Israel to invade when they came from Egypt; so they turned away from them and did not destroy them. 11 See how they are repaying us by coming to drive us out of the possession you gave us as an inheritance. 12 Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”
“Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. 16 Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel.17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’”
18 Jehoshaphat bowed down with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the Lord. 19 Then some Levites from the Kohathites and Korahites stood up and praised the Lord, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice."
- 2 Chronicles 20:5-12, 15-19
Look at the way the king stood before his people, yet still wasn’t too proud to cry out God and admit he had no idea what to do! That is a leader in my eyes. And Jehoshaphat’s eyes? Oh, they were fixed on God. Before the promise ever came through, King Jehoshaphat led his people in bowing down on their faces to thank God for the promise of deliverance as if it had already happened! Jehoshaphat's focus kept the trembling from paralyzing him. In fact, it marched him to the battle field as he and his kingdom watched as God came through on His promise to defeat the armies that surrounded them without them having to lift a finger. That is my God who always provides (Jehovah Jireh) and who is always with us (Emmanuel).
I do not know what to do to win this battle. Thank, the Lord who knows this about me, that He is here to win the battle. Even more, He has already won the war. When it seems like I am surrounded on all sides or I drown myself with endless thoughts and to-dos, He has the victory covered. I just have to show up to watch and proclaim Him as the Victor, the Caretaker, the Upholder of the promise to work all things for my good (Romans 8:28). I will praise Him now and share with you my insecurities before anything happens because I know
I. am. delivered.